It's finally sinking in

I don't know what I was thinking when I thought I could go through this transition emotionless. It's finally sinking in. It might be PMS, it might be the fact that I had to go to a totally lame convention all day on Saturday AWAY from my family missing both kids games, a birthday party and the school carnival, maybe it has something to do with a message my friend just wrote about her conversation with my Alex on the playground last week, and the fact that someone else is telling me about his day. Or it might be the picture on my computer of Alex fingerpainting with his two friends Emma and Mrs. Alex on Mollie's kitchen floor, or possibly the all the emails about playgroups that I keep receiving that I know I can't take Alex to. I know I will adjust, I know it's a completely normal, crappy transition that we are all destined to have to go through at some point, whether it be now, or when our children go off to kindergarten, but it still sucks, and I'm really not interested in going through it, not one bit. Alex will be 4 next weekend, and I know that I am so lucky to have spent all this time with him, but for some reason it sure doesn't make it much easier.