Adoption Update, meet the judge

This Tuesday December 14th, we had our hearing for the termination of Rick's parental rights. I was soooooo nervous sitting in the courtroom waiting for our turn, it took about 20 min. for the judge to get to our case. Our attorney said "lets cross our fingers", and I thought, @#%$, I have to cross my fingers?? I was hoping she was going to be more reassuring. My tummy was just a mess. I thought I was going to have to run for the bathroom!! We sat through case after case of divorce. I cannot believe how many divorces go on! Our attorney said that at least 50% of the cases that go before the judge are divorces, so by the time it was our turn, the judge actually smiled! We had to testify, my sweetie got so misty eyed talking about his daughter and how he plans to adopt her. It was emotional. As soon as the judge said "I'm granting this petetion for termination of Mr. Acuna's rights.", Mark and I were overcome with emotion. It was an awesome moment, a moment that we had been waiting for, for a very long time. Just as the judge spoke granting the petition, Alex lets out several huge toots! I was so embarassed, a courtroom FULL of QUIET people and my son blows one. He was very proud of his work and just giggled and giggled. We left a nice little odor for the honorable judge Higginbotham. I had a hard time turning around and not RUNNING out the door!!

Our home study is Thursday and I can't wait to get it done, that will bring us one step closer to the big day!


I'm so thankful that our wait is almost over.

I'm thankful that Judge Higginbotham understands that blood is not always thicker than water.

Once again, I am so thankful that I have the most wonderful husband in the entire universe.

Valium anyone?

Have I mentioned that being a stay at home mom is the toughest job I've ever had. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine having 2 children and being a SAHM would be this trying. Don't get me wrong I love my job, but there are days like today, that I'm ready to throw my hands up and run. If anymore energy or emotion is sucked out of me today I feel like I will turn inside out. There is never a quiet moment in this house. Most days I enjoy this, but today, I wouldn't mind a white room with padded walls...errrr wait, maybe that's where they will take me when my head spins around and my eyeballs pop out of their sockets...(As Alex dumps his entire basket of play food out on the living room floor and the dryer buzzes in the background.) lol I have christmas lights half way up on the rail in front of the house, the vaccuum for the stairs is sitting on the counter waiting for me, the bike, the trike and the pogo stick are in the driveway and need to be moved before Mark pulls in the driveway. Don't even get me started about dinner. My todo list has turned in to the "to do SOMEDAY" list. Poor poor pitiful me.


Thankfuls


I'm so thankful that there is such thing as a sense of humor.

I'm so thankful that there are NOT more hours in a day.

I'm so thankful that tomorrow is a new day.

Adoption update home study

Friday evening our Home Study was cancelled. Apparently, it's going to be next to impossible to get one done so quickly, unless we're willing to pay double the normal rate. That's ok though, this will get done soon, nothing is going to change except for the measley old date. We found out that we have a lot more to do than we realized for this home study. Mark has to get a document from a doctor saying that he is physically capable of being a father. ( ) We also have to get letters of recommendation from non-family members. I sent out an email to all of our friends requesting letters and within a few hours I had already received one. It was very touching. I think I'm going to add it to my blog. So, now we get to be a little picky about who we choose to conduct our home study. We're getting rates and references from several right now. We should be ready for the adoption hearing by January, or possibly February.



Letter of recommendation from the Zuniga's:



To whom it may concern,

I am so happy to have the chance to talk about my experiences with Mark Urben and Ashley Rogers. My daughter, Aubree Zuniga and Ashley are best friends. They met about 2 years ago when we were lucky enough to have moved to a house on the same street as the Urben family. When I first met Ashley, she struck me as a very sweet, confident, well-adjusted, smart and responsible child. She is surprisingly mature for her age.

She bragged about her mommy, daddy and baby brother on the first day she came to play. We quickly became friends with the rest of the family and have since had many dinners, parties, shopping trips, walks around the neighborhood and have even been on a few family trips together. I have witnessed so much love between Mark and Ashley, so much respect and admiration. Whether it’s the way Mark looks at her, hugs her, talks to her or even disciplines her, he always does it with a patient, respectful, loving, and compassionate hand.

Ashley loves Mark and has always referred to him as “Daddy” because that is just what he is to her. Mark makes time for Ashley and even takes her out on Daddy/Daughter dates. He makes her a priority in his life and goes out of his way to make her feel special.

I have said this over and over, and I know it’s something that Ashley’s mommy, Jamie thinks about many times in a day, but Jamie and Ashley were so very lucky to have found a man like Mark - a man that is a pillar for his family, providing a solid foundation for growth and a soft place to land when someone falls.

Mark is also truly and deeply in love with his wife, Jamie and it shows. Whether he knows it or not, he is setting an excellent example for the kind of husband that Ashley will seek out when she is older. Because of his example, Ashley will demand someone that is respectful, loving, affectionate and dedicated. I truly believe that there is no better daddy in the world for Ashley.

Thank you for your time.

Sincerely,

Adoption Update

THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH! When will we get the return of service back .....do you know?
Thanks,
Christine

-----Original Message-----
From: CPS [mailto:austincps@cox-internet.com]
Sent: Friday, November 19, 2004 10:44 AM
To: Christine Stelzer
Subject: IIO Rogers Child




Christine: I just learned that Respondent Rick Acuna was personally
served November 7th at 4:45 p.m. in CA.

Sheri'
CPS

Emotions

Men are not emotional beings, men are not emotional beings, men are not emotional beings. Why is it that no matter how much I tell myself that, I just can't seem to accept it? Mark and I have the most wonderful relationship I've ever experienced in my life. Why is it that I can't just leave good enough alone? I want to know what goes on up in that head of his. There are several things going on in his life right now, and I don't have a clue what's going on in his head. For instance, last week...he came home early from work because of the death of his friend and the emotions that it was bringing up. Mark NEVER misses work. He drags himself to work no matter how much pain he's in. Him leaving work tells me that he was very sad and hurting inside. The only time he ever spoke to me about it was when he called to tell me he was coming home. He said it brought up feelings of his father and he couldn't stay at work anymore. That's it. We spent the entire day together, and that's the only thing he ever mentioned about it. I asked him several times how he was doing and he said he was ok. Why can't he talk to me? Doesn't he NEED to talk about these things? Isn't that part of why I'm here?

Lastnight I asked him about another emotional subject that came up after he received a phone call from an old friend of his. I asked if he wanted to talk about it and of course he said no. It hurts when you feel like an outsider to your husbands inner being. I worry that if he can't talk to me about what's inside of him, how would I ever know if he was to become unhappy in our marraige? Would he talk about it then? Would he tell me his needs, would he let me in?

Three thankfuls:

I'm thankful that Mark ALWAYS makes me feel loved.
I'm thankful that he has a soft heart.
I'm thankful that I have the desire to make our relationship stronger.

Weekend at Dads

My dad and stepmom met my brother and his girlfriend in Vegas this weekend, while we stayed at dad's and dog sat. It was a VERY relaxing weekend for all of us. On Saturday we all went Sesame Street Live and had such a wonderful time together. We filled up on popcorn, cotton candy and coke. What more could we ask for. After that we went home and did absolutely nothing for the rest of the weekend, which was EXACTLY what we needed. I'm anxious for Thanksgiving, I really miss my dad and stepmom and look forward to spending some time with them.

(Mark is STILL smoke free!!!)

3 thankfuls:

My safe warm home on this cold rainy day.
My sweet daughter who's mission in life is to please others.
My drive and determination to head off to the gym this morning.

Cigarettes

Mark came home from work yesterday, he walked through the door, I greeted him with the same loving hug that I always do, but this one was different. At the time I didn't know exactly WHAT was different, I just know it was delicious. We made our way to the kitchen, and he took me aside and said "listen, I want to tell you something, but DON'T get your hopes up". Um, ok? He proceeds..."I haven't had a cigarette since Friday, and I just wanted you to understand if I get a little short fused, that's why." I was so excited that I could not contain myself, I was jumping up and down screaming with excitement in the middle of the kitchen. I realized that he was delicious because he smelled like my husband and not the Marlboro man.

Mark has been a smoker since the day I met him. I married him as a smoker and as much as I want to change that about him, I know that I cannot force the issue, I've been there. You cannont "tell" someone to quit and expect that they will. Mark has NEVER had any desire to quit smoking, even after sharing all the revalations I had when I quit smoking. I told him the way I felt about it, the reasons for me quitting, and told him how awesome it would be if he could too. He wouldn't give it a second thought. I respected the fact that he wasn't ready.

I don't know if this will stick, even though I know he can do it. I just know that he has taken the first step. This is the first time he has EVER mentioned the act of quitting on his own. This is HUGE for him. HUGE! I am so proud of him and I hope he continues down this path

Wowzers

I just found a picture of myself from just over a year ago. What happened to me!? Oh my gosh, I look so good in that picture! I have gained 2-3 pounds, but how in the world is 2-3 pounds so obvious!? I'm trying to blame the weight on the fact that I quit smoking in Oct. of 2003, but that's not cutting it. I taped the picture up on my bathroom mirror to remind me each day what I am supposed to look like. I'm going to work my rear off, literally. I'm 5' 9.5" 162 lbs and hope to loose 5-10 lbs right smack dab in the middle of weight gaining season. lol Here goes!

Vertical sleeping

My poor honey! Mark is "laying" in bed trying to sleep vertically right now. He had surgery to repair his deviated septum and sinusitis this morning. He's so sad looking. He has a chunk of gauze taped under his nose to catch the blood, nothing could look more pathetic than that. He could probably ask me for anything right about now, and I would deliver. (Except for that suppository in my fridge, not sure I'm ready for that) Last night we went to the grocery store and bought all of his favorite lay in bed all weekend foods...sour Skittles, beef jerky, slim jim and cashews. I rolled my eyes watching him load up the cart, while telling me that Doctors orders were to stay in bed for a week. AS IF! "How much did you pay that Dr.?" Now, as I look at him, laid up, all pathetic like, in his sweatpants and blood stained gauze all I want is for him to eat his goodies and be normal again.

Letters and Sponges

I'm just amazed at how much Alex has learned in such a short period of time. I wish that I could learn as quickly as this little sponge! He can now identify every letter of the alphabet and tell me what each letter says. I can ask him what letter something starts with and he will get it right 99% of the time. I hate to sound like a bragging parent, because let me tell you, his ability to learn doesn't have much to do with me. He's just so interested in letters and learning and I have no control over his interest. The other day he looked up at the sky and said "momma, it's a "D" " I had no idea what he was talking about until he said "the moon momma, it's the letter D." Well, it was a half moon that evening. Today he pulls a Z off the fridge brings it to me and says "look momma, it's a Z and a N!" as he turns the Z sideways. Then he brings me the W, and does the same thing, "look momma it's a W and a M!" My genius is all of 3 years old though, he can be a genius one minute, and the next minute I look over and see him licking the wall, or eating his boogers. That's my boy!

Adoption Update

Apparently serving someone with papers in a different state is more difficult than our Attorney realized. California has changed the way they do things and they no longer have constables serve civil process, so they had to file a Rule 103, which allows process servers in CA to serve him. This obviously takes a bit longer than we originally thought it would. We just received an email update from our Attorney, apparently they are having a hard time serving him. He's either not there often or is avoiding the process server. (More than like the later is true for this case). Email received:


" Christine: I just heard back from the CA process server. He's made
several attempts & has verified the address with a person nearby. I
directed him to prepare and mail to me an affidavit of attempted
service, so we can 106 this guy.

Sheri', CPS


Our attorney's explanation of a Rule 106:


Basically, the Rule 106 Affidavit sets out all the times the Cal. process servers have attempted to serve Rick to no avail and it allows the notice/Petition to be posted on his door instead of physically handing/serving our Petition on him.


I am so friggin nervous!!! Why is he avoiding them? Who knows. It makes my stomach turn not knowing what will happen next. In the meantime we have to get a Home Study done. This is done in any adoption to ensure that the home is safe and the child is in good hands. I hate that we have to prove ourselves, but I understand the reasoning behind it. It's really in the best interest of the child. Obviously we will have no problem with this, but it's nerve racking to think that a stranger will be spending the most part of a day observing our routines and family life. I have been dreaming about Rick a lot lately and I'm ready for this to be over and out of my mind.

Fall

Fall finally found us...I think those Canadians were hording all of our cool weather. We had our first cold day right at Nov. 1. That seems very late in the season to me. It's 8:30 AM and 45 degrees F. The leaves are still attached to the trees, some are beginning to change colors, but not many. I woke up this morning to frost on the GREEN grass. It's very strange! I'm usually not ready for the cold weather, since I'm chilled so easily, but this year I'm ready for hot cocoa, hot tea, and SOUP! I love making Ashley hotcocoa after she's walked home from school in the cold. I think that will be a lasting memory for her. Just yesterday as we were walking Ash up to the school Alex realized how cold it was getting and asked me "where is the cold coming from?" Boy, that is one hard question to answer! Obviously he doesn't quite get it just yet.

How can I NOT say something

The election is finally over. I don't have a lot to say. I just hope the next 4 years are better than the last. Yep, that's about it.


I feel like dirt. Throat hurts, body aches, mind aches and I'm ready to have some peace and quiet. I just want a small piece of the day where there is complete silence. No kids yelling my name, no questions to be answered, no dog barking, no whining, no crying. Just a teensy tinsy piece. Maybe when I'm 40. And when I'm 40 I'll post an entry begging for noise.

We had such a wonderful weekend, but I must say, I am SO glad it's over. We spent all day Saturday preparing for Alex's 3rd Birthday Party, which turned out to be a really good time. We had over 20 adults and at least 10 kids show up. Mark made fajitas and all the fixins and Nana brought the beans. The house was decorated Spongebob style, with balloons and streamers everywhere, Mark and I did a pretty good job if I must say so myself. For goody bags we let the kids loose in a huge area of hay in the front yard. We had buried toys and candy throughout the hay. The kids had a blast tearing through it (some the adults did too, lol). Alex opened enough gifts to last him through this Christmas and his 4th birthday as well. It was CRAZY to see how many gifts he got. I really thought about putting some of them away and giving them to him for Christmas, but I soon realized that Alex had already taken some sort of 3 year old inventory and would ask where a toy was. I had some bit of guilt about all the gifts, but when it comes down to it, this was a celebration of Life, 3 years of it. So be it. All of my family was there, Grams, Pops, Nana, Big Daddy, Uncle David, and Uncle Jason and even 90 year old Grandma Aura. It was nice to see everyone in the same place at once. We don't do that too often and when we do, we always have a good time. It was nice to look around and see all the people who love our son. He is a very lucky boy to have so many wonderful people in his life.

Damn

They really are gone. For good. There is nothing I can do to bring them back. I quit smoking a year ago this month, I have no idea what the date was. My journal had it all. My reflections on my children's lives, my entries from the day I met some of my best friends. How do I get over this? Rum and coke will help tonight. Tomorrow I will feel better. Maybe this will inspire me to go back to that creative time.


Good things:

My wonderful loving best friend who happens to be my husband

The relationship my children have with each other

My ability to move on and focus on all the wonderful things in my life.

Memories Seep

Shanda brought me a burned copy of Mazzi Starr the other day. I have not listened to that CD in almost 10 years. High School memories overflow. Yearbook class. Chris' POS car. Skipping school and laying in bed with my CD player and Mazzi spinning. Garden Ridge. Brandi's Crx at lunch. Mazzi Starr's songs were able to weigh on my mind all day. My how life has changed. Here I sit at my kitchen table on my laptop with the Alex's unfinished lunch lurking in the corner of my eye. The hot iron and ironing board perched behind me. Mark's work clothes waiting to be pressed. My almost 3 year old son upstairs asleep in his Bob the Builder Bed. I hear the hum of the dryer, and the swoosh of the washer. Behind me on the white board is a to do list longer than I know what to do with. Planning Alex's birthday party, winterizing the lawn for winter, cleaning the windows etc. Meanwhile Mazzi Starr, strangely out of place plays in the distance. For a moment I am consumed in me, and only me, in my own private thoughts. Ahh, the silence, the bittersweet silence, the blank easel of my mind awaits.

Sick to my stomach

I just realized that i have lost over 20 journal entries from last year. I'm so so sad. That was a very creative time. I had some very special moments that I was able to write about creatively. Those were my inspiration and my memories and I'm just ill. I just can't believe it.

Tubby, Tubby, Tubby

We've always wondered how long we'd be able to put off the inevitable ER visits. Our luck ran out today. While volunteering up at Sissy's school, he managed to fall on a small table and cut open his precious little chin. My son cries easily and often, but when I heard THIS cry, I knew immediately that something was hurt pretty bad. When I saw the gash in his chin, my first reaction was to run to the nurses office accross the hall. Unfortuantely, nurses are allowed to take sick days, and she was not there. Go figure. I'm lucky enough to have a wonderful friend who came to get us without hesitation so that I could sit with Alex in the back. Daddy got to the Round Rock ER before us and was able to do the paperwork before we ever arrived. Within a few min. of walking in the door they called us back. Alex got liquid stitches and did very well with no tears. $75 later, we're home and doing fine.

The invitations are out

I have FINALLY addressed all the envelopes and sent them on their way! I'm not quite sure how I managed to put this off for so long, but I did it. In the past I've actually put these sort of things off for so long that I've just nixed the entire idea. Here's the front of my masterpiece (or I should say ALEX'S masterpiece):




This picture is a very good representation of his 3rd year of life, this boy has dropped his pants for everyone I know. He's peed in the front yard dozens of times, in neighbors yards just as often and in parking lots on 3 different occasions. It is not uncommon to have friends over when Alex's clothes suddenly disappear. This invitation went out to close friends and family, so this is definitely not a sight they have not seen. I'm hoping this picture will surface in about 15 years.

Grandparents Day Lunch

Ashley's school had a Grandparents Day lunch in the cafeteria today. Nana, Big Daddy and Pops showed up and made her day. We all had fried chicken, and then Ashley showed us around her school. It was nice, and Alex was a good little bunny for us too! I wish grams could have been there.