Sperm Donor Update

I mailed Rick's father a letter asking for his contact info. and a few weeks later I received a letter from Rick. It was very typical of the Rick I remember from the past. He has not had contact with any of us for over 5 years and not once in the letter did he ask how Ashley was. He's still just as pathetic as ever.

Our attorney sent him a letter last week asking him to sign over his rights. The letter also mentioned the fact that Mark is the only father she has ever known and that we have been married for 5 years now. I'm hoping that will help. I'm so nervous and anxious that all I can do is give the facts. If I say much more than this little entry will turn in to a novel. I'm crossing my fingers that he signs the papers. This is a very big milestone in our lives and it could go the wrong direction if we're not lucky.

Take a deep breath

Oh man I could spit fire right now. What in the world is going on with customer service these days!!!??? No, wait, why do I even ask that, I'll tell you what happened...corporations and franchises have taken over and there is no accountability for poor customer service. Why should they care how happy you are, they are still going to get a paycheck whether or not you bring your business back. Grrrrrr. It just fires me up, and I have mucho patience with people that make mistakes, I understand that they happen. I really and truly feel that a businesses #1 priority should be good customer service. I don't care how good your product is, if you are not going to treat me with respect then your product means nothing to me. I am going to make a POINT to avoid big businesses as much as possible and go straight to the mom and pop shops, I don't care if I spend a few extra bucks. At least they have a vested interest in being KIND. And yes, that's all I ask, is for kindness. I'm not pissed off or anything lol.

LOL

I'm putting Ashley to bed tonight, kisses, hugs, twinkle twinkle little start etc. Chelsea the cat jumps on the bed to say goodnight as she always does, only tonight I notice a little something "extra" sticking out from behind her. It was very strange, so strange that I had to take her out in the hall where the light was to analyze this "extra" piece of her. Prepare yourself...I finally reailze that it's not just sticking out of nowhere, it's actually coming from her rear, it's sticking out about 5 inches and looks identical to my pony tail palm (plant) that just happens to be balding. Eeewww gross! Can someone please tell me how this plant got there?? I mean, I'm not dumb, but I really cannot seem to explain how it looks EXACTLY like it did on the plant. Should I have pulled it out Mark thinks I might get more than I bargained for if I did that, so I will sleep on it and hope it works itself out. Literally.

My 2 year old pre-teen

So lastnight at dinnertime, I'm preforming my usual routine of telling Alex to finish his dinner so that he can have something for dessert. He'll normally eat most of it, but some veggies he won't touch. My biggest obstacle is getting him to TASTE things. He claims to think they're "disgusting" before he's ever tasted them. So I'm at the table begging, "Take one bite of your salad and you can have a popscicle...come on, you can do it, it's just one bite..." and this little booger looks at me and ROLLS HIS EYES!!!!! I had to leave the room to laugh it was so funny. He definitely does not have the rolling of the eyes perfected quite yet, he looks more like he's dying than anything. The eyes get stuck about midway around and just kind of hang there looking up, while he puckers his lips so as not to laugh. So, I leave the room giggle a bit and then come back in as "well behaved mommy" with my straight face put back determined not to laugh. Sure enough the booger does it again!! I try to get Mark and Ashley's attention, because they HAVE to see this, but the moment they look, Alex plays dumb. He acts like he was doing nothing and refuses to "show daddy what he just did". He looks at me like I'm crazy, shrugs his shoulders and Mark continues to clean the kitchen. As soon as Mark walks away, he does it yet AGAIN! I try to get him to do it for Mark several times after that, but he adamantly refused. What am I going to do with this boy!!??

Summer is coming to an end

The hottest month of the year has arrived. With August comes a new school year, and a new routine. I'm looking forward to the change, but I will miss my girl so much. This has been such an important summer in my children's lives. They have grown SO close over these past few months, it has been amazing to watch them grow together. They have laughed and played and fought and cuddled the summer away. It has been a beautiful summer for us all. We have spent a lot of time with Nana and Big Daddy, with going Schlitterbahn, wakeboard lessons and sleepovers we've made lots of precious memories together.

Ashley is almost 8 years old and is starting the 3rd grade in 8 days. It's unbelieveable how the time has flown by. It's amazing when you realize just how fast it all goes by. Wasn't I just potty training her, and wasn't grams and pops just swinging her by the arms while they walked down the street together? Weren't we just living in our own little apartment, just the two of us? Ahhh, it's crazy! Now look at us, look how much has changed. We have daddy, and Alex and Sadie and Chelsea. We have so much more than I ever dreamed we would.

Mom's final Hep C test

The test results are in...the Hep C is back. The entire last year of chemo was a waste. Mom found out almost a week ago, but couldn't talk about it without crying until now. I am just numb right now.

Adoption update

Adoption update

We received a letter in the mail from the attorney today, it was a duplicate of the letter they received in response to the request to sign over rights that we sent to Rick. It turns out we had the wrong person. This man just HAPPENS to have the same first name, last name and middle initial. We now know that his middle name is different. We struck out that this time, but we are hoping to find him soon and get this all over with!

Summer Days

We have been so busy this summer, so busy that I have pretty much taken June off, as far as growing my Mary Kay business goes. I will probably kick off July with bang, and get back in the groove again, but for now, I'm enjoying my family. We took a trip to Schlitterbahn this week, and we had so much fun together! Alex and Ashley enjoyed the trip as much as we did. Ash ended up staying out at dads, and I will return to pick her up on Sunday.

In super duper wonderful news, we just booked our very first cruise!!! I'm beside myself with excitement! We have the most wonderful group of friends that we will be going with, which will make this trip just THAT much more fun for us. There are 4 (possibly 5) couples going, and we are all neighbors. We have had the best luck with our neighbors, not only do we get along, we are all GREAT friends. There are 8 of us that get together every other Wednesday for girls game night. We alternate houses each time, and everyone brings munchies. We have a BLAST together, and the best part about it that we are all just steps away from each other. Our husbands have taken our lead and are now getting together on the alternating Wed.'s that we are not doing girls game night. They usually come to our house and play poker on the back porch while they bond in their maleish ways. I go hang out at my friend Angie's and when it's time for Alex to go to bed, I bring him home, put him to bed, hand Mark the monitor, and I'm out the door to hang out with Angie until the guys are done playing poker. We are all very happy and enjoying each other imensely. I'm sooo looking forward to our cruise in October!!!

I also have to mention one more thing...On Mark's birthday (the day before father's day) we received our first letter from our Attorney regarding our case for termination and adoption of Ashley. It was a copy of the letter that her biological father received. It was a wonderful letter, very professional, and factual. To Mark, this was THE most wonderful Birthday, and Father's Day gift he could possibly receive. We are all very anxious and nervous about what's yet to come. It is a mystery to us wheter or not he's going to fight for his rights. He was asked to respond to this letter by July 15, or we would be filing suit. I'm EXTREMELY nervous, but so ready to get this done! I will update as soon as I can!

We're rolling with it!

Mark made an appointment with an attorney to start the termination/adoption process. I am absolutely THRILLED! I spoke with Ruthie this morning and she offered to foot the bill for us. I'm in shock...I was expecting to have to forego the lawyer and do my own paperwork, which was already beginning to overwhelm me. I'm not sure what I did to deserve such wonderful parents, I could NOT ask for a more wonderful set of parents. They love me unconditionally, and are there for me even when I least expect it. I don't mean this in just a financial way, I mean this in all aspects of my life.

Our appointment is set for May 26th, which happens to be the day before my 27th birthday. Before our appointment, my mission is to find Rick. First I'm going to call up a few old friends and see if they can help me track him down. If I'm not successful with that, I will contact his father and ask him for his sons contact information. Last I heard he had married, had a child and moved to California. If that's the case, then I really think he will be likely to give up his rights without a fight. Afterall, he's out of state, with a family and children to support. Is he willing to come back to Texas to fight a legal battle? Does he have the money to do this? Not likely. He has made ZERO efforts for the past 6 years, so I'm not sure that a letter from an attorney is going to make him change his ways. If he truly wants the best for his biological child, he will sign over his rights and allow Ashley to continue to live the only life she's ever know with the only daddy she has ever know. Although, in the past, he has proven to not have conscience when it comes to these matters, so it wouldn't completely surprise me if he puts up at least a small fight.

All I know is that I am married to the most wonderful man any woman could ever ask for, and we have the most amazing 7 1/2 year old daughter together. Blood or not, we are a family, no different than the little girl next door who happens to live with her flesh and blood. So no matter what the outcome is, we will always be a family, and Mark will always be daddy to Ashley. Paperwork will not change what is already a truth.

Mother's Day

Yesterday was such a nice and relaxing day! Mark let me sleep in, and I didn't end up getting out of bed until 9:30!!! When I woke up he made special chocolate chip pancakes just for me! Ashley made me many special mother's day cards, and had made the cutest little banner for me too. Mark told me that we could do whatever I wanted that day. I decided that we needed a second set of sheets for our bed, so we ended up going to Bed Bath and Beyond and getting some. We went to mom's later that day, and ate dinner with them and ate the cake that I made for dessert. It was a great day!

New member of the family

New Member of the family!

Sunday afternoon we welcomed a new member to our family! We are the proud new owners to Sadie. She's a 1.5 year old black lab, with the sweetest little personality you could imagine. So far she will sit, lay down, heel, and fetch. We don't know where she came from, since we got her from the local humane society, but I do know that she was probably neglected if not abused. She's extremely timid, and is very protective of her new home. She has barked and growled at a few visitors. I'm hoping that in time she will feel more comfortable in her surroundings and not feel so paranoid. She is definitely an indoor dog, and has YET to have an accident in the house. Today is Tuesday, so we've gone almost 2 full days! She sleeps on a palate at the foot of our bed, but would much rather be IN the bed with us. Mark had to lay in her bed with her for a little while last night so that she wouldn't jump back up with us again. Poor thing!

Aside from that, not a whole lot is going on right now. I had my visit with my Mary Kay customer, Sarah, and that was great! We had so much fun. As it turned out her friend did not end up showing, but that's ok, it was a blast. She wants me to come back again soon to try more colors, and also wants to introduce me to her mom, who happens to be a faithful Mary Kay user in need of a consultant. Sarah is an aspiring makeup artist and taught ME so much. It was really quite funny to hear how our appt. went. She actually told ME what colors I should try!!! It was great! We'll definitely be getting together a lot in the future.

Big Sentences

Big Sentences!

Alex said his two longest sentences ever this past week. On Sunday we went out to dinner at Applebees. We were all done eating, and as always, Alex still had a full plate of Mac and cheese when it was time to go. The server came and took all of our plates, including Alex's. As he was walking away, Alex looked at the man as if he'd seen a ghost! His expression was priceless. After the immediate shock of someone taking his food away wore off his sweet little bottom lip began to stick out and his chin started to quiver. That quiver where you want to laugh and cry and hug him all at the same time because it's so cute yet so sad. He then looks over to me and says (now remember this is a little guy voice, and he has never said any sentence this long in his entire little 2 year life) "Mommy, why did that man take my plate away" My jaw all but hit the floor! We laughed so hard, and somehow managed to distract him from getting to upset with that "man".

Just yesterday, Alex and I were eating lunch together at the kitchen table. I was sitting accross from him and stood with my bowl to look at the kitchen calendar to see what was going on this week. As soon as I did so, Alex pointed his little crooked finger at me and shook it while saying his next longest sentence "No mommy, you sit down on your bottom now" followed by the "count". "Wooonnn, tooooooo, phreeeee"
THAT was priceless! I wonder where he got that line?

Spring is here

Spring is here!

The grass is turning green, trees are sprouting new leaves, the Bradford Pear trees are blossoming, and I actually saw Bluebonnetts a few days ago! Yay! Time for walks and parks, and sunshine, all the things that make me happy!

It's been well over a month since I last updated my journal, so much has changed! We just got home from spending Spring Break week in Alabama with Mark's Mother, Stepfather and Grandmother. I love visiting them so much, and always come home feeling motivated to make changes in my life. I see how his mother and stepfather treat each other and I see how pure their lives are and it really inspires me to be the best that I can be for my husband and my family. This trip was by far the best road trip we have ever taken with both kids, they did so well! Ashley was such a wonderful help with keeping Alex occupied that I did not have to climb in the back even ONCE! Round trip is over 24 hours, so that was a major accomplishment!

A few weeks ago I informed Jess that I could no longer keep Nicholas. I absolutely hated having to do that, but I really had no choice. Keeping 2 infants (even just part time), really puts a strain on my time to focus on Alex. I was guilt ridden most everyday about negleting my son...the whole reason I intended to stay home in the first place! I got in over my head and had to re-evaluate what my goals were. I realized that no matter how much I was getting paid, it was not worth the sacrafice I was having to make. I feel so much better knowing that I made the right decision, even if it does mean that I "gave up".

My neighbor and friend just bought a childrens consignment store here in town, and I am just THRILLED about that! Opening a consignment store has always been something that I dreamed of doing, so now I'm able to actually see first hand if it's something I'd really be interested in doing myself. She has invited me to come up most any day to work with her for a few hours each day, and offered to put me on the payroll. I don't think I'll be going up there that often, and definitely won't be letting her put me on the payroll, but I did tell her that I'd be willing to come in and lend a hand whenever possible.

That's all for now, I have to get myself a shower before the day begins!

My crazy self

My crazy self

I guess it's about time I update my journal with all the new happenings in my life. Less than two weeks ago I made the decision to become a Mary Kay Independant Beauty Consultant. Those who know me are having one heck of a time trying to figure out what in the world is going on. This is completely out of character for me. I've never used skin care products of any brand, and the makeup I've always used has been whatever happens to be on sale. I've always said that I would make a horrible sales person, because I'd end up giving things away. Well, that is changing as we speak. I love the products, and feel very strongly about what I do, so it's actually much easier than I imagined.

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go

Well, it looks like I'm going to start keeping another little one part time. His name is Nicholas and he's a whopping 3 weeks old!!!! His mom started our local Fly Lady group here in Cedar Park, and this is her first baby. She and her husband came over lastnight for the first time to chat about it, but all we could talk about was that tiny little guy. Can ya blame us? He's sooooo teensy! He's only 7lbs and he's 3 weeks old. 0-3 month clothes swallow him, it's amazing! I was probably around 8 months pregnant with Alex when he was that size! Of course, he was almost 10 pounds at birth, so I really shouldn't compare. So anyway, now I will have 2 part timers, which is great, because I'm not ready to give up my time with Alex to "full time" care. I really don't want to take away from our time together too much, and I really don't think that this will. Right now money is very tight, so this will really, really help us out a lot.

Sweetest Words

Mark and I tell our children many times a day how much we love them, with only one intention, letting them know that they are loved. Up until recently, those words have never been uttered back to us by our wild and crazy toddler. I'm not sure what took so long, maybe it was because this was the one phrase in which he continuously heard, that he was never prompted to echo back to us. Or maybe the time just wasn't right. Well, Friday night those three words made their debut out of his sweet little mouth, unprompted and unexpectedly.

I woke up that morning with a fever and an upset stomach and spent all day in bed away from my babies. By Friday evening, I had had just about enough of staring at the accumulation of dust on my ceiling fan blades, and trying to decipher the echo of little voices outside my door, so I made my way to the living room couch. I must have been laying there for all of 30 seconds before I was turned in to a human jungle gym. Although this may not sound pleasant, believe it or not, I was feeling slightly more human than I had all day. I was being distracted and no longer wallowing in the aches and pains that a fever can cause. So, in the middle of Alex's mommy-acrobatics he paused, looked me in the eye with his devilish grin and said slowly and precisely, "I-love-you." As I took down my toddler defense shields (the palms of my hands) my little human numchuck followed through with the BIGGEST toddler hug imaginable. He didn't get me over my bug by doing so, but he sure did help get me through it.

Our Christmas

Our Christmas

Christmas was wonderful, I think each year it gets better and better!

My stepmom, aunt and brother came over Christmas Eve to spend the night. Christmas morning my dad drove the Uhaul (with Ashley's gifts ) and arrived by about 7:45, just in time for the kids to come downstairs and discover what treats Santa had left for them. Our living room was overflowing with gifts for the kids. Alex really was in to it this year, he understood that Santa came while he was asleep that night, and he actually remembered it when he woke up, saying "Santa, presents". He opened his gifts with ease and munched on a chocolate bar in between each one. Both of the kids made out like bandits as always. My dad and stepmom gave Ashley a brand new bedroom set complete with headboard, footboard, chest, dresser, mirror and night stand. They ALSO got her many other presents as well. These children are so spoiled it's almost embarassing! I don't even have matching furniture in my bedroom!!

Aside from all the gift giving, we all had a wonderful time together. We laughed and ate, and drank, and just really enjoyed our time together. It really means a lot to Ashley that her grandparents and uncle were there with us. Everyone, except my brother left by about noon, just in time for us to lay down for a nap. I slept wonderfully with my new sleep mask that Mark bought me! We woke up and cleaned the house for my mom and stepdad to come over. The arrived at about 6:00, we ate a little dinner, and played a card came that Ashley got for Christmas. Ashley showed them all of her gifts, and by about 8:30 everyone was tuckered out and ready for bed. Even Alex was ASKING to go brush his teeth.

So Christmas is now officially over. We made some wonderful memories, started a few new traditions, spent some wonderful time together as a family, and most of the time we did it with a smile. I really could not have asked for a more wonderful Christmas

It's Christmas Eve!

I can't believe it's almost here! Santa is coming tonight!

Mark has all of this week off, and so far we've had some wonderful time together. Sunday night we drove through the neighborhoods oowing and awing over all the beautiful lights and decorations. We do this every year, we all get our jammies and Santa hats on, jump in the van, and listen to Christmas music while strolling through the neighborhoods. We never really have a plan on where we're going, that's one of the funnest parts about it. Mark and I get to giggle as we get lost in foreign neighborhoods while Ash begs to find out if we'll ever get home again. Eventually, we find our way home, just in time to brush teeth and climb in our warm beds.

Monday night we attempted to make our annual trip to the big Christmas tree in Austin. We had to make a stop along the way and ended up getting there much too late, and after seeing the enoromous line of cars we decided to go get Amy's ice cream at the Arboretum and hang out in the courtyard with the cement cows. It was actually a little warm that night (60's), which made ice cream a brilliant idea. I wonder if that night will make it in to the memory bank of the kids, I know it's stored in mine. It's not that often that we get to go somewhere with no time constraints, no rushing, no planning, just LIVING. It was wonderful.

So last night (Tuesday the 23rd), we decided that there was no way we could make it to the tree unless we got there before dark and before the crowds. So, we left the house at 4:30, and got there within about 10-15 min. before dark. It was a genius plan, there was almost no line, and we got a decent parking spot, AND we beat the crowds. We had plenty of room to spin beneath the tree and stumble around trying to see straight afterwards. We all had our santa hats on which is probably the reason the News videographer picked us out of the crowd. I was spinning Alex around, he and I were having a blast, I thought I saw a bright light, but didn't realize it was on US until I stopped spining. When I finally stopped stumbling (from the dizziness), I realized that the spotlight from the camera was on Alex and I and ONLY Alex and I, and a group of people were all staring at us! Next thing I know, I'm being interviewed by the reporter. I told her about how this was such a fond childhood memory of mine, and I brought my kids here each year in hopes that they too would have wonderful memories of the big Christmas tree. Of course, leave it to me to talk to much, I went on and tell her about how we left so early to beat the crowd and ended up eating funnel cake for dinner. Now all of Austin and central Texas knows my kids had no veggies for dinner.

It's the Hap-Happiest time, of the year!

When I walked in the door from Gymnastics lastnight Mark greeted me in kitchen, gave me a kiss, and told me that there was a wonderful message on the answering machine that I had to hear. Boy was that the understatement of the year. It was mom. She called to tell me that she tested virus free. Yes, VIRUS FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The past fourty some odd weeks of chemo has all been worth it, this is the ultimate gift, and it's made out to our family. Mom may be cured, mom may be able to live a full life! If she tests negative in six months, she will be considered cured. EEEEKKK! What, cured? That sounds absolutely crazy! Mom cured of Hep. C??? That's not supposed to be possible. There has never been a "cure"!!! Thanks to medicine, and all the wonderful doctors out there, there now is. It's inconcievable, unreal and hard to grasp.

She's still very sick from the chemo and will be for months to come, but she now has something to smile about, we all do. I remember when the doctor told her that she was a good canidate for this new round of chemo. At the time, she was keeping Alex for me full time while I worked. Her energy level was always unpredictable and I felt guilty seeing her so exhausted each day. She told me about the possibility of doing chemo, and I began the hunt for day care. I hated the thought of day care, but if that meant that mom could have the opportunity to watch her grandkids grow up, Alex was definitely going to daycare.

As it turned out, shortly after hearing the news about this new chemo, I was laid off from my job. This is beginning to sound like a bad time in my life, but in all actuality, the turn of events are the best that have ever happened to me. Mark and I decided to attempt being a 1 income family. Before I was laid off, we never thought it was possible; afterall, we just bout a new house 4 months earlier, and a van the year before, and we also had a new addition to the family the prior year as well. My layoff forced us to consider the possibility. After working some numbers and getting a phone call from my stepmom offering to do anything in her power that would allow me to be a stay at home mom, we made the decision. Less than 24 hours after being laid off we made the best decision we've ever made as a married couple, I was officially a stay at home mom. AND mom was no longer plaugued with the idea that she would be the reason for Alex having to go to daycare. If mom was not sick, I would have found a new job, I would not be a stay at home mom, my life would not be as good as it is today. It's true, it really is.

Here's to life and love mom, Merry Christmas

Please Remember

I can document Ashley and Alex's childhood in so many ways, but no matter what I do, there is no way I can capture it all. This is something that plagues my mind often. There are so many moments that I remember from Ashley's toddler years, yet so many that I know are just gone. They remain a part of me though, despite my inability to remember. The memories live on in the love I have for her, with each passing memory, my love has grown fonder, my heart bigger, and my life richers. If only I could document each moment.

Lastnight, on the way to horseback riding lessons I turned around in my seat to look back at the kiddos, I don't remember why, maybe to hand them a snack, or to look at one of Ashley's Magna Doodle masterpieces, or to calm Alex, it doesn't matter. I looked back and caught a glimpse of my sweet daughter, I wish I had a camera at that very moment. The sun was beginning to set, she was excited about seeing Patches (the horse), and was leaning forward in her seat with such an innocent way about her, as if there was nothing else in the world but that moment, staring down the dirt road at the barn. The sun was setting behind us, and the way it hit her face was breathtaking. The deep orange wrapped around her face like a blanket covering an infant, so sweet, so precious. I had the windows down to let in the new fall breeze, it was so beautiful outside, her hair blew in the wind with such precision, as if each gust was meant for her, and only her. Ah, what a sight! I couldn't look long though, I was driving down a dirt road with many potholes and turns. The irony hit me like a ton of bricks...here she is in this wonderful stage of life, she's still momma's little girl and is still very proud of that fact, so beautiful, and even a little innocent..still, yet there are so many potholes, there's no way I can watch her like this forever. This seven year old is just a passing glimpse, I need to look at her and take it all in more often, even if that means pulling over and every once in a while.