Thinking ahead

I've really been thinking a lot about when Alex starts Kindergarten, and what I'm going to do. I will have an opportunity to go back to my old job, I'm sure, but to be honest, my heart is not there. I would do it, I do enjoy the job for the most part, but when I really break it down and start thinking about where my heart REALLY is, I realize it's with children. It is starting to sink in that in about 6 months, my life is going to get flipped upside down, COMPLETELY upside down. Although sending him to Kindergarten will be hard on the both of us, (me more than him, I'm sure) I'm excited about the new chapter of Alex's life, I really am. There is a part of me that has begun to realize that it's not just being home with him that I enjoy so much. I enjoy teaching him, learning from him, and watching his little brain grow everyday. That, to me, is so incredibly rewarding. I will always have that, I know, but never on the level that I have these past 5 years. In a nutshell, I have really started entertaining the idea of keeping a few preschoolers once he goes to school. It's been a few weeks since it first popped in to my head, and I haven't been able to let it go ever since. I LOVE the preschool age, and wonder if this is something that would continue to fulfill me even after Alex is at school. I know there's not much money to be made keeping children, but I think it might be what makes me happy. I can't see myself going to work at a daycare, that's not my cup of tea. I would like to develop my own sort of cirriculum based on the desires of the children. A sort of anti-cirriculum. This is what I have always done with Alex, mainly because of his personality. And it has proven to be a wonderful choice for us. I just think it would be amazing if I could give other children what Alex has had. Even if I could help just one child have a stimulating environment, that otherwise he/she might not have had, that would make me so incredibly happy.

I'm still absorbing all of these thoughts and wondering if this will pass, or if this is something that's going to stick. Who knows, this could lead me to getting a job at a Public School. Maybe there's a position out there for me. I just know this is something I love, and maybe it's what I'm supposed to do in life.